The Difference

I am just finishing up the study guide of "Crazy love". Francis chan asks us to reflect on a time in our lives when we were on a spiritual high of had a huge moment of comittment and then fell out from under it and began living life as if nothing had changed.  I had to answer yes to that question.
At the end of high school I went on a missions trip to Montana. Things happened on that trip that really  moved me. I saw God alive and well living in the students that were along with me and also in different situations I/we encountered while out on the evangelical team.
I saw God working and moving... but I realize now it was not through my faith. It was through everyone elses around me. I believed in God yes, I could recite bible verses and say the right things but looking back that was not what a relationship with Christ really is.
This summer something happened. There was a change in my heart and God was in control the whole time. When I first started wanting something new, wanting to really look into and develop my faith in God I had no idea where it would take me. I'm different now. I don't look at situations and people the same.
Sure there are many times I fall back into actions that I once took, but we are all sinners. Just because I am in a deep relationship with Christ doesn't mean i am still not human. Its in my nature to sin. I just know know that through Christs forgiveness of me I have the strength to ask my fellow friends for forgiveness when I feel I have wronged them, or wronged God.
I'm not falling away from Christ this time. After the Missions trip I was talking about earlier I lost my close relationship with God once I hit college. It could have been the fast pace movement of my social life along with my school work, or it could have been that I was too busy trying to create a nice smooth path for my future to play out on. I don't know, but what i do know. Looking back now at 3 years ago... I'm a different person. I'm not just a "christian" by the worlds standards. I will stand up for God when he calls me to. I will admit my wrongs without fear of what others may say against me.
Because to me it's not about my sins. i know they are there. I will point them out, I am continually striving to be more like Christ. And it's a bumpy road. God never promised it would be easy. But he did promise that we would never be alone. Deuteronomy 31.6 states: " Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
So when I am answering that question in Francis Chans book... 
I don't know what the difference is this time between the last time I was on a spiritual high. But I do know there is a difference. The holy spirit is alive in me. I want to be the best reflection of who God is that I can be. It is only through him and his forgiveness that I am able to accomplish anything.

I found my God this summer, but most importantly I found my relationship that I was looking for for so long.

Ephesians 2.4-5: "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ.."