{Meet Abigael}

My heart continues to fill with joy as God showcases his love throughout the world!
Recently, I felt God leading me to truly be his hands and feet in every aspect of my life including my finances.

Meet Abigael: She is a beautiful 6 year old girl from Kenya who lives with her mom and dad who are farmers and 4 brothers and 5 sisters! She enjoys drawing and playing handball! :)

The video below is just a little snipet of her while she is coloring and she is absolutely precious! God's love shines through her smile, what a blessing from heaven she is!

It has been truly an amazing journey as God continues to reveal different areas in my life where he is wanting to transform me into more of his likeness. Not a day goes by that I am not in amazement of his love and guidance.  Through prayer and scripture as well as different opportunities throughout my day I am given a glimpse of what God has in store for all who believe and trust in him. What a blessing it is to have the opportunity to become more like him and live out the life of Love that he calls his children to! What an amazing God we serve!

You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way, which through us will produce thanksgiving to God.
- 2 Corinthians 9:11

So encouraging to see that through every new opportunity he gives us, the joy that overflows in our hearts is able to rejoice with thanksgiving and turn all glory back to God! :)

What a blessing that God would lead me towards sponsorship and be able to support this precious child he created and loves! :)

My World Vision | Helping children around the world

Calvary love - Amy Carmichael

If

I have not compassion on my fellow-servant, 

even as my Lord had pity on me, 

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If 

I belittle those whome I am called to serve,

talk of their weak points

in contrast perhaps with what I

think of as my strong points'

if I adopt a superior attitude,

forgetting "who made thee to 

differ? and what hast thou that

thou hast not received?"

then I know nothing of calvary love.

If 

I can easily discuss the shortcomings

and the sins of any;

if i can speak in casual way even

of a child's misdoings,

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If 

I find myself half-carelessly taking

lapses for granted,

"Oh, that's what they always do,"

"Oh, of course she talks like that,

he acts like that,"

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If 

I can enjoy a joke at the expense of 

another;

if I can in anyway slight another in

conversation,

or even in thought, 

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If 

I can write an unkind letter, 

speak an unkind word,

think an unkind thought without

grief or shame,

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If

I do not feel far more for the grieved 

Savior than for my worried self

when troublesome things occur,

then i know nothing of Calvary love.

If

I know little of His pitifulness 

(the Lord turned and looked upon Peter),

if I know little of His courage of 

hopefulness for the truly humble 

and penitent

(He said unto him, "Feed My lambs"),

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If

I deal with wrong for any other

reason than that implied in the 

words,

"From His right hand went a fiery 

law for them Yea, He loved

the people";

if I can rebuke without a pang, 

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If 
my attitude be one of fear, not faith,
about one who has disappointed
me;
if I say, "Just what I expected," if a
fall occurs,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If 
I do not look with eyes of hope on
all in whom there is even a faith
beginning,
as our Lord did, when,
just after His disciples had
wrangled about which of them
should be accounted the greatest,
He softened His rebuke with those
heart-melting words, "Ye are
they which continued with Me in My temptations,"
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If 
I have not the patience of my
Savior with souls who grow
slowly;
if I know little of travail (a sharp
and painful thing) till Christ be fully formed in them,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If 
I am afraid to speak the truth, lest I
lost affection,
or lest the one concerned should
say, "You do not understand,"
or because I fear to lose my
reputation for kindness;
if I put my own good name before
the other's highest good,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

Joy

Recently the word and definition of "joy" has been on my heart. The difference between happiness and joy has come into my thoughts daily as I look to become involved in things down here that add to the joy that Christ is continually growing in my heart.

I used to think to myself: "Every day is a new day; a  new day for change, happiness, and to simply have a fresh start."
Through Christ's word it has been revealed that not only is every day new, but every moment is new. Every single moment of our lives we have the choice to turn anything around. Through Christ's love and salvation we no longer need to look at what we did 10 mins ago with shame and disappointment. But instead embrace the power of the cross and the sacrifice Christ made for us so that our hearts could begin to fill with joy through his gift.

"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the richest of God's grace."
Ephesians 1:7

Through reflections such as these I have been able to see that through Christ alone is joy able to truly fill my heart. As the walls of my heart can get muddied up with regret, shame and doubt Christ continues to take a wash cloth drenched in his blood to clean up every single mess I have allowed to live in my heart, where only his grace, and glory should abound.

My heart continues to fill with joy with every new adventure God has me embarking on. Looking back and realizing I could have never laid out this path for my life through my own doing humbles me before my King. I have met so many amazing, godly individuals here in Rochester who have continued to push me towards the young woman that Christ has created me to be.

I continue to pray that the writings that make up this blog are all to the glory of Christ. Not for humanly recognition but for his glory only. Keep running towards Christ, digging into his word and allowing your heart to be completely in awe of his glory and love!

"May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word."
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

Clarity

"Jesus answered,'Everyone who drinks this living water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.'"

John 4.13

I have met a few people in my life who seem to be always thirsty. They either carry around a water bottle with them, or they go through 6 glasses of a beverage at dinner. It always amazed me that they were able to still eat their dinner on top of drinking about a gallon of water before, during, and after their meal!

I have always been the type of person to kind of ignore my body's thirst signal. I know it's not the healthiest of things to do. Whether I was running around during college or now as I have been working on a post-surgical floor it seems almost impossible to have time to take a few sips of water throughout my day. My body has gotten accustomed to it's signals of thirst and I am able to make it through my whole day without having any water. 

On top of not drinking enough water, I have found that recently as I have begun doing the Insanity workout series that even that doesn't seem to increase my desires for hydration. I have to intentionally fill a glass of water and drink it all because I know I won't remember how much fluid i lost during my work out and just go about my day. 

It was during my prayer time this morning that I began to see how my thirst for scripture was similar to my thirst for earthly water. 

I make it a point of my day to spend time with God. In prayer for a few moments, and then reading and reflecting on teachings of his word. However  God has revealed to me that I have been neglecting the power of his word, his living water. 

Just like when I finish up with my insanity work out I am wanting to run to the cupboard and grab a bite to eat instead of drinking water, I have been running to other people's teachings instead of God's handwritten words. 

Just as neglecting my bodily thirst for hydration, I have been neglecting my hearts desire to interact and hear from Christ through his living water. 

Insanity is an difficult workout requiring a lot of physical energy and endurance to complete each workout, and just as much motivation to start the video the next day. Without the water my body is thirsting for it is difficult. I can't replenish my body, and I am not able to physically quench my bodies desire for moisture as I have grown use to just eating instead of drinking. I am filling my body with a replacement for water.

It is true that through hearing other leaders interpretations of biblical truth i have grown stronger in my faith. Still however it seems to me that I have the thirst for living truth that is never quenched after hearing a message. As Jesus says to the woman at the well ""If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." John 4. 10. -- "whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst." Oh what truth! Only Christs words, and instructions can give me the satisfaction of his love and his will for my life. 

Running to the cupboard instead of the faucet has to stop! Just as I need to stop running to other people for interpretation of Christs word. I fully believe it's healthly and beneficial to hear sermons and so on, however I feel it is absolutely vital to continue to interact daily with Christs word, and his instructions. God created us all to be unique individuals who, while working together in community can have an impact in this fallen world. I know I need to be receptive to his calling, his leading and most importantly the words and instructions he has left with us in his Holy Bible. 

What a blessing it has been to be able to connect with many messages from different individuals about Biblical truth. However, being able to see just how important individual biblical study is has opened my eyes to completely satisfying the desires of my heart. 

Beautiful Beginnings

There is nothing more reassuring than knowing you are exactly where God wants you to be.

In February when I began feeling God leading me towards Rochester I felt a sense of peace as I felt his calling. My patience was strengthened as there wasn't any signs that a job would actually be open for me to apply to. With one step forward at a time and daily prayers for continued guidance and patience I waited to see what God would do. Previously I wrote about the holy spirit speaking to me about God being able to do the impossible despite what society might think. (My Reality)

By God's grace the answer to my prayers were revealed to me and I felt comfort knowing I was being obedient to where I felt the Holy Spirit leading me. I was offered a job when few were being opened. I felt tremendously blessed and couldn't wait to see what God was going to have in store for me as I moved down to Rochester.

As the big moving day began approaching apprehension developed in my heart as I realized I was moving out of my parents house and beginning my life in a new town. This was a different kind of apprehension than attending college as I knew that Rochester would soon become  my permanent address. God never left my side through the move and as I adjusted to living on my own. It's amazing how there were moments when I felt as if I was moving alone that I was able to see that God never leaves my side. And as I have continued to grow closer to him and rely on him for everything the transition isn't something that I am nervous about anymore. I instead am able to acknowledge the loneliness  that comes from being away from my family, and accept that my mission here on earth is to bring glory to God where ever he calls me to be. 

Below is a story of his faithfulness that leaves me speechless in amazement at his never ending faithfulness and love towards those who earnestly seek him and his will.

I woke up last Sunday morning (7/21) unsure of what church to attend. I was trying to decide between two and woke up feeling like I had a real thirst to dive into God's word and drink up his truth. I felt like God wanted me to once again step out of my comfort zone and try something new, as I felt led to attend a newer church in the community and one that I had not attended last summer as a Summer III.

As I sat through the service at Harvest Bible Chapel Rochester I felt completely consumed by God. Although I was sitting alone, not knowing anyone in the congregation I felt completely satisfied knowing that I had followed God's leading once again. I went to the "Welcome Table" after the service and was welcomed by a woman who was glowing with the spirit of Christ. She walked me around the church and introduced me to people and then to a group of young adults in the church. From there I was in complete amazement at God's faithfulness and love as I was able to enjoy an afternoon/evening with the group of young adults whom I now very much consider my friends. A parade and dinner Sunday night, berry picking Monday night, and a ladies cooking night on Wednesday.

What a blessing it was to meet so many new people who are also completely surrendered to Christ. I am still in complete amazement at what happens when I truly give God the pen to my life and he scripts a story and a life I could never create on my own. I can't wait to see where he continues to lead me. 

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." 

John 13.7

John 13.7
Jesus replied, "You do not realize what I am doing, but later you will understand."

This passage really struck me today as I was reflecting back on everything that has happened this past year.
Many times I have been in prayer begging God to show me direction, to help me understand why things were happening as they were. I know in my mind at the time I reminded myself that I needed to look at the bigger picture. That perhaps, God was using each obstacle and each opportunity to prune me into the person he created me to be. However, as I was reflecting on this passage in this way I began to wonder exactly what context Jesus was saying these words.

When I looked up the passage/chapter I found these words are spoken to his disciples as they are questioning what he is doing (and I was doing in a similar fashion...) After reading chapter 13 I was able to see a more precise picture of what was happening as Jesus was talking to his disciples.

The washing of feet is one important aspect of New Testament times. Foot washing was done by the poor or  by someone of a lower societal status. Only when individuals were showing great love would "equals" drop down to clean off their loved one's feet. Can you picture yourself washing someone's feet who had been walking around on the dirty roads and having been covered only by the straps on the sandals?

If you know me pretty well you would know that  I have this "foot thing"... And It's not a positive "foot thing". I dislike feet quite a bit (x100). The thought of getting down and cleaning someone's foot after they had been sweating and walking around in dirt all day is definitely not appealing to me. It would cause me to become very uncomfortable if i didn't have the proper latex gloves to provide as a barrier to the foot in which I was washing (With hopefully lavender smelling soap mixed into the water) .

As I am sure you probably already know they didn't have the luxury of latex gloves or lavender soap to make the experience more enjoyable for the person doing the washing. However, when I began looking deeper into the meaning of the foot washing I realized that's not what it's about at all. It's not about the comfort of the person washing the foot. Foot washing is all about being humble; laying down one's comfort for the love of their neighbor.

As i reflected back onto the passage of Jesus telling his disciples "You do not realize what i am doing, but later you will understand" I came to a realization myself concerning this past year. Everything that I encountered that made me "uncomfortable" in my skin, or had me frightened and leery of what God was doing perhaps was not for my comfort at all. It was helping me develop my relationship with Christ so that through my discomfort i would better glorify him and testify of his love and faithfulness.

I have a God who holds me as I search for answers to certain things. But I believe my trials are all for the furthering of his kingdom. For me this passage was reflective of my desire to accomplish things that make me uncomfortable. Foot washing would be one thing. I knew when I accepted salvation it wouldn't be daisy and roses everyday. However, I knew there was a promise of a glorious ending for those who endure the hardships of this world and prosecution in Jesus' name.

A picture of every knee bowed and tongue confessing God has the fire in my soul ignited to go out and make disciples. I'll get down and dirty, maybe I will figuratively "wash feet" for people as they are searching for God's love. Goodness, I will have a huge smile on my face perhaps the next time I wash one of my patients feet! :) I know in those moments I will recall exactly what Christ calls me as a follower to do daily; to give up my desires and comfort for his mission. Just as Christ showed humility,  I desire to become more like him.

" I know that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use the, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do."
- Corrie Ten Boom -

{Meant to Be}

Over the past few weeks I have been thinking about what God's will might be for my life. Through much reflection, prayer, and time spent in God's word I have been able to gain some understanding of this new chaos for me.

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his purpose." 
Philippians 2:13 

I have come to realize God's will for my life is not necessarily just in the years to come, and the big decisions I will be making as graduation approaches. But instead, it is being lived out on a daily basis.Whether it be helping someone out around me, or simply smiling as I pass by a stranger. Every moment has been sculpted by God for his plan. I am able to see the power of his will for my life in every moment.

While I was job searching I prayed earnestly that God would lead me in the direction he needed me. I want to continue to pursue his love and be able to share that love with his people. 

After many prayers I officially accepted a job offer as an Registered Nurse in Rochester, MN at St. Mary's Hospital on their Neurology/Neurosurgery unit.

I will be working with patients post-surgery and I can't wait to be able to care for my patients as Christ would want them cared for. Just the thought of helping them brings a smile to my face :) 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

-Deuteronomy 31:6

This verse has been strengthening to me as I go through these exciting yet frightening changes. It's difficult to wrap my mind around the idea that I am packing up all my belongings and moving permanently to a location to work and not just attend school.
With the acceptance of the job I feel God has been using this as a way for me to draw closer to him. Although I am nervous about the move and meeting people, I take comfort knowing that God will never leave me. He is my one sure foundation and comfort when everything is new and frightening. 

I feel extremely blessed to have spent the last 4 years at St. Scholastica being a part of many activities and organizations. I have met so many amazing people that have had such a big impact on me. Knowing that everything was a part of God's plan to get me where I am today and where I will be going continues to encourage me in my faith walk.

As I stated earlier I am following God's will for my life. Moment by moment, day by day. It's an exciting and crazy ride and I am comforted knowing that God is in control of it all. 

{A Powerful Reminder}

4 weeks until graduation and it seems as if time is just picking up speed. I feel blessed to be where I am at in my life and for the season in my life that is drawing to a close for me. 

Through these past couple weeks there have been many moments where planning for the future and not knowing where God may want me has caused me to feel overwhelmed. 

I feel incredibly blessed to have a Mom who is strong in her faith who supports me and is encouraging of God's plan for my life. I feel like through stress and the business life brings Satan tries to drag me down and leave me feeling defeated.

Hearing this song is such a powerful reminder of who I am and what really matters. The opening lyrics to the song: 

If my heart is overwhelmed
And I cannot hear Your voice
I hold on to what is true
Though I cannot see

If the storms of life they come
And the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith
I will believe

These words and chords ring through my heart. Gently  I feel the Holy Spirit come to life again as I hold onto the truth I know and the identity that I have in Christ is what really matters in this world. 

Constant connection and prayer with God is the only thing that makes things seem bearable to me at this time in my life. As I have submitted applications to jobs I am in prayer and trusting that God will place me exactly where he wants me. I'm not concerned about not being good enough but rather where God needs me to make a difference in his kingdom. I  know I have the ability to care for patients, and the exciting thing about my faith right now is a reminder that God already knows which patients will one day cross paths with me and I'll be able to care for! I'm ready to reach out to people, and he has the perfect patients and people written into his plan. I am not sure where it will be but I know where ever it is God will be also. And in that I find great comfort. 

As graduation draws near and decisions are needing to be made it's amazing to know what really matters and who I can run to! 

Christ is Risen

What a great victory! Christ is Risen! There was a song that played this year at Easter as a part of my churches "SONrise" service. Christ is Risen - Matt Maher

I completely lost my voice due to a respiratory infection for the holiday weekend so I feel blessed that I was able to reflect on the words that were being sung in celebration of Jesus' resurrection.
Below is the video for the song, and I have reflected on my connection to the song in awe of Jesus' love and sacrifice! 

Let no one caught in sin remain
Inside the lie of inward shame
We fix our eyes upon the cross
And run to him who showed great love
And bled for us
Freely you bled, for us 

(There are times in our lives where we are kind of in a slump. I like how he refers to it as "the lie of inward shame" because it is a lie. Seeing this line gives me a breath of fresh air knowing that through Jesus we no longer have to bear that shame. That we are human and are of the sinful  nature, he doesn't want us harboring those feelings of guilt in our hearts any longer. He died for us willingly, he hung on a cross to die... for us, for our sins. We are so blessed to have a God who is so incredibly in love with us, that he would endure such pain, just imagine the sacrifice, the submission, the love.) 

Christ is risen from the dead
Trampling over death by death
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave!

Christ is risen from the dead
We are one with him again
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave!

(What really stood out to me during the chorus was "We are one with him again". After the fall in the garden there was a  separation between God and humans. Through offerings people have been paying their dues to God for their sins, but it was never enough. Through Christ we are finally able to meet God right were we are in our lives. Even though we still sin by forgiveness he looks at us clean through the sacrifice of his Son Jesus. The connection is finally made whole and we are finally "one again", we are perfect to him! That is Amazing LOVE! :) ) 

Beneath the weight of all our sin
You bow to none but heavens will
No scheme of hell, no scoffer's crown
No burden great can hold you down
In strength you reign
Forever let your church proclaim 

(Hearing all his children sing this song and proclaim his resurrection in church was absolutely amazing. I like to close my eyes and just try and imagine how joyous the voices will be when everyone is singing his praise. 

Philippians 2:10-11 - That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that JEsus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

That will be the Most AMAZING worship in the World!!)

Christ is risen from the dead
Trampling over death by death
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave

Christ is risen from the dead
We are one with him again
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave

Oh death! Where is your sting?
Oh hell! Where is your victory?
Oh Church! Come stand in the light!
The glory of God has defeated the night!

Oh death! Where is your sting?
Oh hell! Where is your victory?
Oh Church! Come stand in the light!
Our God is not dead, he's alive! he's alive!

(I love this portion of the song! As the instrumental aspect of the song picks up pace it really feels like a joyous celebration! He's Alive, He's alive! I can't imagine what it would feel like being one of the disciples when Jesus came back to life and proclaiming he is alive! In reflection during church I thought about our ability to still be exclaiming that he has risen and he is alive! Alive within us! So cool :) ) 

Christ is risen from the dead
Trampling over death by death
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave
Christ is risen from the dead
We are one with him again
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave

Rise up from the grave...

Looking ahead....

It is my final semester of my undergraduate education...
Wow! where has the time gone? Its quite amazing to think that I have really been attending CSS for 4 years already and i will soon be leaving.

So many people are asking the question of what will I be doing once I am done and graduate in May.

i was blessed this past summer to have been given the opportunity to work as an intern down in Rochester at the Mayo clinic. I learned so much about myself and about nursing that when I left there I knew instantly I wanted to head back down there and work once I was done with school.
As my summer came to a close and I was heading back to school I began trusting God with everything in my life. I began seeking his wisdom and direction of where he might want me next year.
Maybe that would mean he wanted me down in Rochester?
Maybe he wanted me in a totally different state?
Maybe he wanted me back home? Or in Duluth?
I prayed a lot about where he might want me placed or what he might want me doing.

Then when I came back to school I was offered the opportunity to work with an organization at school and perhaps begin working mission work on college campuses. When this came about I was completely at a loss of what to do. I didn't know if God was leading me in a totally different direction than nursing. But I had to be willing to go. And so I continued praying. This time adding the thought that I might not be needed in the nursing field at all.
Through much prayer and reflection on God's word as well as listening to many sermons my eyes began opening up to the need I feel God leading me to.

I began feeling called to Rochester again a couple weeks ago. i don't know how to explain how I knew exactly what God was leading me towards but I began to see that he wanted me down there he would make it happen and he most assuredly would never leave my side.

I believe God is shaping me into who I am as a woman in Christ and he certainly has given me a spirit willing to lead groups and people. But I also feel that he is not calling me into the typical mission field most people think of.
But rather he is calling me to the mission field where I will be the minority. Where i won't have someone I can talk to about my faith necessarily but rather be a light in the darkness to people who need his hope.

Seasons

In my last post I mentioned that I was living throughout the seasons in my life really taking them in.

Just recently there have been some more changes in my life. I have been hanging out and talking to a gentleman who was involved with the same small groups we have at my college campus. We would spend out time running, talking, and going to church and bible studies.

After previous relationships I was on the mend. I didn't want to hurt again and most importantly I didn't want to hurt someone else again. I began praying about where God would want this new friendship to go and continued on with my life. I know I have recently been struggling with the idea of where in my life God needs me. Does he need me completely single? To reach the other singles out there? Or is he ready for me to start being an example in a Christ Centered relationship?

I want everything I do to glorify God. Now I am only human and of course I sin everyday of my life. I don't always do what needs to be done or react in a situation faithfully reflecting my Lord and Savior.

But I am a work in progress. And we really all are. We are all down here separated from God. Its an evident disconnection if you look at everything that is happening in our World today. through the holy spirit however we are connected. And it is through this connection that I feel my needs and longings that I use to search for in my earthly relationships vanish and be fulfilled in God and in him alone.

Everything is new to me. When I wrote awhile back about being a new creation that exactly what I am doing. I am born again. I'm learning to walk, learning what is acceptable to God and trying my best to reflect his love and compassion to his lost world.

As I continue to walk through these Seasons of my life I hope to only bring honor and Glory to the most important thing in my life; the one at the center of my life. My seasons are changing and the one true constant is God. As my last semester of my undergraduate career begins I look forward to this season and the seasons ahead wherever God may lead me!

"Content in Him"

Content is exactly how I am feeling at this time in my life. 

Traveling to Belize in the first part of January really began opening my eyes to a new area of growth in my walk with the Lord.

It was while I was in Belize that I was able to fully let go with my grip on time. I had gotten so accustomed to watching my watch to see what activities I had next and in doing so I lost the joy of spending time in the activity I was currently doing.
For example: I have found joy in singing once again. Last semester it seemed I was so busy trying to get things done for nursing and other activities I was involved in that I didn't allow myself to fully enjoy my choral rehearsals. I would show up for class, sing along with my music but I would never go deeper, or go further. I would continually be looking to what I had to do immediately afterward.
God didn't want me living like that anymore. And most importantly I have been able to see and understand exactly why in Ecclesiastes he talkes about there being a time for every activity under the sun.

{Ecclesiastes 3.1 There is a time for everything, and a season for everything under the heavens}

Seeking his wisdom and understanding everyday in this area has allowed me to relax in his presence and focus on how my actions and attitude towards activities and events can really further his kingdom.
I have found joy in all the simple things again. Although I am extremely busy with nursing, tennis, choir and the small groups I am a part of I am able to use my time in each activity to give God glory!
He has blessed me with so much and I continue to thank him daily for where he has me at this time in my life.

Hidden Blessings

Swamped... a simple word to put to the past few weeks in my life. As a senior nursing student I have been busy studying for finals, taking last minute exams for each and every nursing class, while still trying to maintain my sanity by attending 2 small groups and tennis practices as well as choral rehearsals.

I haven't written on in my blog for awhile because of this stress quite honestly. I couldn't do it. I wasn't flowing out any realizations from the holy spirit that I wanted to remember. Looking back I really just wanted to get through those weeks as I had never felt so overwhelmed and defeated in my life.

As I was living through those times, I was seeking God. I was spending time in his word, spending time in prayer, and still engaging in fellowship with other believers. I knew I was ready for this. 6 months ago when my life changed I knew I would need to prepare for the seasons in my life where I would have earlier ditched out on God and did my own thing.  So this overwhelming time for me was a time I saw that I should be clinging to God with everything that I had. And that's exactly what I did.

Somehow though... I was getting defeated.
"Was this really what it's suppose to feel like?" was what I cried out to God every day.
It began to be too much. All of a sudden my test grades that were A's were sliding into B's and I didn't understand it. I was losing control... somehow... when I felt like I had been giving God control over my life.
"How could he do this to me?" I questioned him; yet still clung to him.
 Looking for answers in everything that I could. My heart ached for the answers to what was happening in this season of my life.

The most difficult weeks of my life I was crumbling. Barely able to physically take care of myself I still cried out to God for courage to make it through. I was still looking for answers to why. It wasn't until I was in my FCA small group that our leader said that what I was experiencing was not through Christ. It was not through God's doing as a way to discipline me or to "prune" me. It was clearly an attack of Satan and I needed to demand he leave me!

It was then that day that things started to change. Through prayer we called out to God and to Satan and demanded through Christs power to rid me of this battle and for Christ to be my strength. I was not longer a victim of Satan. I was in a battle in which I was armed with the Holy Spirit.

Looking back, that was the day it all changed. I began feeling confident in my abilities as a nurse again and in my ability to really care for my patients. It didn't matter that I had gotten a B on an exam at all. All that mattered was that I was able to competently care for my patients and love them with the Love Christ has shown me countless times.

I was reading off of Leslie Ludy's online magazine called "Set Apart Girl" and came across this today:

• "But as i prayed about the fierce attacks upon my life, God gently opened my eyes to the fact that the hits were not coming form him - they were coming from the enemy of my soul. God did not want me to resign myself to accepting these attacks. Rather, he wanted me to call upon his name and allow Him to come to my rescue. James 4:7 says "Resist the devil and he will flee from you." I hadn't been resisting the enemy's blows because I had assumed they were coming from God - or at least being allowed by God for the purpose of discipline."
• "God was showing me that when the enemy attacked, He didn't want me to accept it. He wanted me to stand up and fight by the power of His spirit." 
• "God disciplines us and refines us, but not in a harsh, cruel way. God's ways bring light,  not darkness , and life, not death" 

Reading this today allowed me to really reflect on the past few weeks and see that although I didn't react appropriately to the circumstance I know now the difference. And most importantly as i sit here and write out this Blog post I am excited once again to see where God leads me. Looking back it was a struggle and I know many more of those are coming my way. But I know that the lesson afterwards is one that I will take with me through the rest of my life. I will be able to better recognize attacks from Satan with God's help, and drive him out with the power of the holy spirit.

My Christmas Song

My Christmas Song

            It was a long three-hour drive, through the dark and snowy countryside of farmland in Northern Minnesota. I sat in the back seat of our family car wondering what I would see, what I would feel, and how I would be able to give this unusual Christmas gift to my family.
            This Christmas Day was different and everyone in my family could feel it. It wasn’t long before we pulled into the outskirts of a small town that barely lit up the night sky from the distance.  

As my dad parked the car outside what appeared to be an empty building, I recognized familiar cars all around us.  I stepped out of the car onto the snow-laden ground and took a deep breath as my lungs filled with rigid air that was blowing down from Canada.  As I made my way with my family up the sidewalk I was greeted somberly by a sign hanging above the sliding doors; it read: Hospital. 

As we entered, the warm glow of Christmas lights gave life to the environment in which we now inhabited. When we rounded the corner and walked down the long hallway towards my aunt’s room, we were welcomed with open arms by family and the aroma of a full Christmas buffet lining the hallway.

After the greetings were complete I stepped quietly into the dimly lit hospital room. There was gentle Christmas music playing on the radio.  Family members began to enter the room as I made my way to the left side of her hospital bed. Within moments every chair and space available were filled in this one-bed hospital room. My mother reached in front of a small illuminated Christmas tree and inserted a CD into a compact disc player. 

As music filled the room, nervousness began to fill my heart. I brought my attention to my loved one lying in the bed and looked at her with my heart breaking.  She was so small and frail.

 I began my song.

As the notes and chords filled the room, emotions of those listening began to rise. Tears trickled slowly down faces and noses reddened. I struggled to give voice to the lyrics…was losing the strength to continue... My aunt reached out to me and quietly said, “Its okay, Meg. I love you. ”

I closed my eyes and continued to sing. As I sang I reflected on the love that was filling this room, I was overcome with the love of Jesus Christ and the blessing of my family surrounding me.

I could feel it; the Holy Spirit was there, just as alive and real as anyone else in the room.  Our Savior who came to earth as a baby two thousand years ago was among us, in that small and crowded hospital room. 

            As my song ended and the music faded, the Holy Spirit lingered in the room like a warm blanket. My family cried and held each other through last year’s Christmas celebration. It wasn't my voice or the song I chose to sing that marked the change in the room that Christmas Day; but the presence of Jesus through the Holy Spirit. 

            Although my aunt is not present here on earth with me and my family this holiday season,  I find comfort in knowing she is celebrating with Jesus today in heaven. My family held each other close last Christmas,  and I hope you also will hold your families close this year. Look for Jesus in every tradition and bring His love into the center of your celebrations.  Merry Christmas

This is one of the songs I sang for my aunt last Christmas "Be Born in Me" and this Chistmas I sang it at our churches Christmas Eve service. 

Quenching the Spirit

I started my day out running 6 miles and listening to Francis Chan's "The biggest lie of your life" sermon on Youtube.
Since it took me 1 hr to run the six miles I had a lot of time to really think about what he was talking about and reflect it back on my life.

This past Thursday I spoke at our schools FCA meeting. I talked about following God's will for your life.
It was not until today that I began to realize that part of following God's will for our lives is listening to the spirit when it calls us. And I realized I wasn't being 100% obedient to Christ and the Holy spirit.
I took a spiritual gifts assessment about a week ago. Given this spiritual make-over I have gone through it only made sense for me to re-examine my spirit and see perhaps where God would have blessed me with fruit to share. The results were that I was highest in Showing mercy, and tied for pastor/Shepard and serving.
I thought to myself... what?! Pastor/Shepard?

I was not surprised at all that I was highest in showing mercy. My major is nursing after all.  but Pastor/Shepard? That's like... leading people, like get up in front of groups of people to talk to them about God, talk to them about following the Bible. I don't do that. I am a side conversation, small group, share my faith to close friends type of person. But for me to be called to stand up in front of a group and speak to them about the love of God and what he commands us to do was something I would never claim for myself. 

If this was a white elephant gift exchange event you bet I would be the first one to try and switch out my "Pastor/Shepard" fruit of the spirit for someone else's "giving" spirit. 

As I was preparing for my little speech for FCA I was very nervous about saying the right thing, about having if "flow" correctly, and even about how long it would take me to do it!
When I was done speaking on Thursday night, I got a few compliments on my speech. It felt good to  have nice things said but it felt even better to be done with my speech. 

It was not until today, that I realized I had given my life up to God fully 3 months ago... I promise I would follow him where ever he leads me. I would accept his blessings with open arms and work at being a bountiful fruit of his spirit.

It was a rude awakening to realize that perhaps God has blessed me with the ability to actually be a leader.
I don't know where God is going with everything. Maybe me fully surrendering my life over to him and trusting him to fully guide me in this life will give stength to others to pick up their cross and follow Jesus whole heartedly.

I will willingly stand before believers and admit my mistakes and share Gods true mercy and grace with them. We are all in this together as a body of Christ. I know God has the ability to use my mistakes to help other people and give them hope or understanding in a situation. 

Life's Study Session

The absolute truth of the Bible:
So many of us read the Bible daily. We read it for 10 or 15 mins at a time and think about the passages for about 30 mins and then we move on with our day. We cry out to God and question him when he does not answer. We take control of our crazy lives just to realize that we are stressed beyond belief and have no idea where to go.
Why is it that when we read the Bible we read it as if we are reading any other textbook at our college?
Are we taking it for full face value? Do you know who wrote the book?
Think about it this way.
I am in a class... there is no textbook, and a lot of our class sessions start out with "What do you think about this or that?"
Our instructor will write all our classes answers on the board. For a term as simple as "leader" we have 10 different definitions on the board. Then the instructor moves on to the next question.
It's not until the  night before the exam when I am cramming, do I realize we never got a definitive answer to the questions. I was sitting there with 10 words that may or may not be the words she is looking for on the test to define her definition of leadership. We were too busy creating our own definitions that we didn't realize that we didn't have the most important answer... our instructors.
See I feel this is a great illustration because I really feel God leading me to talk about the importance of the Bible and the impact that we are currently letting it have on our lives.
When we die we will all stand before God. What will be running through your head when you see him face to face?

God has given us the Bible. A book written by him, for us to get through this life. It holds many key verses such as verses:
 to get through struggles Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your god. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand
to be with us through joyous occasions: 1 Peter 1:8 - though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory.

Where are we, if we as a society start deciding how to interpret the Bible against what the Bible already says? We can go around all day creating our own definition to all the sins in the book.
But think about it... what ultimately matters? What we have to say? what we have defined for ourselves?
Or is what matters most what our instructor, our heavenly father above has defined as the true answer to our questions?
Whose giving the test?
Whose the student?
We are all accountable for our studying time in classes and it's not different for when we are called home. We are accountable for all the times we could have studied his word, and spent time with him, but chose to live out our own definitions of a great life.
His Bible is our manual to Life, the life he had originally planned for all of us long before the fall at the Garden of Eden.
So when you are reading the Bible think of it as God's guide to our lives. Think of it as a place where you can run to for understanding in situations where the world doesn't view things the same way as you. The Bible should be our foundation not simply a rough draft of how to live our lives.  If you base your life off of the bible

I want to challenge you to live your lives truly believing everything the Bible has to say.
Go out there, take the first step. It can be unbelievable scary, but cling to God. In the end remember he always has the right answer.
Let's study for the biggest test of our lives, and live out his word in a practical way!

For the LORD God is a sun and shield the LORD will give grace and glory. no good think will he withhold from those who walk uprightly. O LORD of hosts, blessed is the man who trusts in you.
{Psalm 84: 11-12}

[Obedience]

Complete obedience
I sit here and I listen to the words in Chris Tomlin's song "Majesty of Heaven"
He is majesty, he will reign forever.
He's the one I am following. As I find myself once again in a time of loneliness and not knowing what the future holds, I know where I can find my peace.
My stomach is in knots, my heart is racing and it's been this way for a few hours. I can't seem to get deep enough breaths.
I'm dying to myself, I'm living for him.
I have to keep reminding myself what life is all about. That the way i have previously set my goals in life is different now. I'm scared. I want to grab onto anything that is going to give me support in this storm of life. Through this season of change and pruning from the lord. He is ridding me of anything and everything that has come in between his love for me.

Today I deactivated my Facebook account. I know God was calling me to let go of that "idol" in my life as I have spent too much time worrying about what I was posting, and how I was being displayed on Facebook. I don't feel like I i am keeping myself set-apart for God when I share details of my life with everyone. I need time to step back, and focus on God. Redirect my addiction of checking my Facebook notifications towards God and answering him when he calls me.
I'm different now, I felt Facebook would never fully share with the world how my heart is different, how I've changed. And so I'm starting new.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart" 

- Jeremiah 29:13 - 

God is being nothing but gentle. I'm blessed that he knows exactly what I can  handle and what I can't. For now I am content with not trying to grab onto something or someone down here who can physically comfort me. Instead i'm turning to him.
I feel blessed that I have come to that time in my life where I am finally looking at being independent and living my life solely for Christ. Being true to him and my promise to be his bride. Content in his love, content in listening to him for guidance.

My Reality

"But Megan, is that realistic?"
....
The thing is when I heard that I didn't think of  it as the world views that statement.
I viewed it as the way my heavenly father would view that statement. I believe with a statement like that he would chuckle and say... "there is no realistic for me. I am in the business of doing the impossible."
 I'm not here to think that for a second my life will be "realistic". My hopes and my dreams are placed in my heart by God. There has never been a single individual or soul duplicated in the world before. Everyone is unique in their own way because our God is a creative God.
I long to live my life according to the Bible and follow God where ever he may lead me. Even when sometimes I hear the silence instead of his spoken words.
You see I feel like God has made a promise to me. I'm not going to get into details but there have been many times in which I could have caved in my own desires. i could have begun pursing the things here on earth that I had fully given over to God.  I would have snatched the control right back out of his hands and attempted to do things my own way again.
If i would have caved in a moment of temporary feelings I know I wouldn't be where I am today. To know that my life is in the hands of a God who controls the whole universe gives me a sense of peace. To me it seems to be only logical to trust God with everything, as he is the true controller of everything. It doesn't matter what my view on anything is, his will will win every time.
So for me to live my life and look at terms as realistic and unrealistic i think that's unfair. I believe with the power of prayer from a faithful heart God can and will do miracles.

I know my  dreams are planted in my heart (realistic or not to this world), and my God sees them. They are very real to him, and one day his plans will be revealed. Even if his plans don't pan out as i would have hoped it was still realistic to me because I have a real powerful God.

 "Trust in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37.4

The Difference

I am just finishing up the study guide of "Crazy love". Francis chan asks us to reflect on a time in our lives when we were on a spiritual high of had a huge moment of comittment and then fell out from under it and began living life as if nothing had changed.  I had to answer yes to that question.
At the end of high school I went on a missions trip to Montana. Things happened on that trip that really  moved me. I saw God alive and well living in the students that were along with me and also in different situations I/we encountered while out on the evangelical team.
I saw God working and moving... but I realize now it was not through my faith. It was through everyone elses around me. I believed in God yes, I could recite bible verses and say the right things but looking back that was not what a relationship with Christ really is.
This summer something happened. There was a change in my heart and God was in control the whole time. When I first started wanting something new, wanting to really look into and develop my faith in God I had no idea where it would take me. I'm different now. I don't look at situations and people the same.
Sure there are many times I fall back into actions that I once took, but we are all sinners. Just because I am in a deep relationship with Christ doesn't mean i am still not human. Its in my nature to sin. I just know know that through Christs forgiveness of me I have the strength to ask my fellow friends for forgiveness when I feel I have wronged them, or wronged God.
I'm not falling away from Christ this time. After the Missions trip I was talking about earlier I lost my close relationship with God once I hit college. It could have been the fast pace movement of my social life along with my school work, or it could have been that I was too busy trying to create a nice smooth path for my future to play out on. I don't know, but what i do know. Looking back now at 3 years ago... I'm a different person. I'm not just a "christian" by the worlds standards. I will stand up for God when he calls me to. I will admit my wrongs without fear of what others may say against me.
Because to me it's not about my sins. i know they are there. I will point them out, I am continually striving to be more like Christ. And it's a bumpy road. God never promised it would be easy. But he did promise that we would never be alone. Deuteronomy 31.6 states: " Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
So when I am answering that question in Francis Chans book... 
I don't know what the difference is this time between the last time I was on a spiritual high. But I do know there is a difference. The holy spirit is alive in me. I want to be the best reflection of who God is that I can be. It is only through him and his forgiveness that I am able to accomplish anything.

I found my God this summer, but most importantly I found my relationship that I was looking for for so long.

Ephesians 2.4-5: "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ.."

{Be Still}

Time has passed since the last posting... many things have been on my mind.

1} I started reading my Bible and studying it on my own about a week ago. I use to think the bible stories were not applicable to my life at all. I enjoyed reading the new testament as I felt like it gave a lot of direction on how to live the christian life. With Paul's warnings and words of wisdom to followers it was easy for me to know what was right and wrong.

It was not until I began reading the book of Genesis that the Lord really opened up my eyes and my heart to the basics of our relationship. I realized that with my growing relationship with God how fair would it be of me to know pursue his story, his beginnings.

As I read through Genesis I was captivated by the stories of Noah, Abraham, Issac, Jacob, and Joseph. These men lived extraordinary lives following God's will for them.
What surprised me and calmed my heart was exactly how God interacted with them. For the longest time I thought that I was missing something. I was not constantly feeling his words, or hearing him as he spoke to me. I figured something was wrong with my faith. That maybe I just didn't fully trust God, or maybe I didn't know how to hear his voice. I even thought about asking one of my spiritual leaders in my life about how to hear God's voice.

It was through Genesis that I realized I was "hearing" God, just not in an audible sense. I have felt his presence and feel the holy spirit inside of me working it's magic.  Although we are a good 4000 years into the future than Noah, I still fully believe his God {my God} is alive and living today in the world. For Jacob he went to in a dream, GOODNESS... He wrestled with God one night as he was trying to sleep. It's very evident that God works in mighty ways, he knows we are going to question topics, he knows we are going to push him away and try and control our lives. But the truth is... he never leaves us, he has forgiven us all the same, no matter what the sin.

Also something that struck me in Genesis was exactly how BIG and MIGHTY my God is. He's the one true God. The God who knows everything, it doesn't matter if I choose not to add something in a prayer, he sees me, he hears my thoughts, he knows my future. Why wouldn't it make sense to trust him, even when I feel he is silent...

2} This past Friday I was beginning my journey home and began praying to God for a safe drive him. It then struck me that perhaps I should pray for God's presence and his well to continue to be done through out my day.

I'm going to be honest and tell you that fully surrendering to God's will scared me. i would say it took me a good 5 mins before I was ready to fully surrender to the prayer of God's will being done on my way home, and accepting the fact that perhaps I might not make it home safe.
What really had an impact on me was his gentle voice telling me... "Megan, you may think you are in control of what to pray for, but my darling I'm still in control. No matter how you choose to state your prayer. My will will be done no matter what, for I am your God."

It struck me because in life I feel that's how it really goes. We suggest things to God and we will pray for things. But in the end God's will is the one that will reign over everyone.
God loves us so in Psalms 37:4 it states: Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart" He will listen to our prayers that we pray in faithfulness to him. He wants nothing more than for us to draw closer to him and to love him as our creator. And he wants nothing more than to see us happy and prosperous in his love and blessings he reigns down on us.

3} My last thought of the night...
Trusting God, and I mean really trusting him is something I can now say that I am living out and doing. I just recently finished Francis Chan's book called "Crazy Love".
It was through Francis that the urgency of following Christ by Biblical principles was revealed to me.
When all else has been failing I have complete assurance that what is in the Bible is my standard of life. I will be judged against everything in that book when I stand before God.
From loving my neighbor, serving the poor, and not being selfish or greedy. It's all in the book and I believe God takes it very seriously.
I'm finally living one day at a time... I'm not scared anymore. Don't get me wrong, I can still tend to have a few "freak out" moments in my head. When I take a moment to pause and remember who is in control and what will matter when I enter eternity, I am able to calm myself down and give the control that was never mine back into his hands.
I have had a few conversations with people about fully trusting and following God.
Most recently in the area of my love life. I have completely given that area of my life over to God and I truly trust that he knows what is best for me. With the pressure in today's culture to not be single and then for woman to step up and make the first move is definitely real in today's society. With the help of God I feel confident in my decision to let him have complete control.
For him to "Take all the applications" from men that are interested in pursuing a relationship with me. I am/will be filtering every young man through God as he enters my life. I am not going to make the first move, I won't initiate anything because I believe God has put Man as leader, and i feel if they are the leader at the very start of the relationship it will continue on through our relationship centered in Christ. Just as Christ loves the church, shall the young man that captures my heart love me. But most importantly he will love God more than he will ever love me.

I'm excited... I want to live the life God has planned for me.
And for now... {I will be still}