The Difference

I am just finishing up the study guide of "Crazy love". Francis chan asks us to reflect on a time in our lives when we were on a spiritual high of had a huge moment of comittment and then fell out from under it and began living life as if nothing had changed.  I had to answer yes to that question.
At the end of high school I went on a missions trip to Montana. Things happened on that trip that really  moved me. I saw God alive and well living in the students that were along with me and also in different situations I/we encountered while out on the evangelical team.
I saw God working and moving... but I realize now it was not through my faith. It was through everyone elses around me. I believed in God yes, I could recite bible verses and say the right things but looking back that was not what a relationship with Christ really is.
This summer something happened. There was a change in my heart and God was in control the whole time. When I first started wanting something new, wanting to really look into and develop my faith in God I had no idea where it would take me. I'm different now. I don't look at situations and people the same.
Sure there are many times I fall back into actions that I once took, but we are all sinners. Just because I am in a deep relationship with Christ doesn't mean i am still not human. Its in my nature to sin. I just know know that through Christs forgiveness of me I have the strength to ask my fellow friends for forgiveness when I feel I have wronged them, or wronged God.
I'm not falling away from Christ this time. After the Missions trip I was talking about earlier I lost my close relationship with God once I hit college. It could have been the fast pace movement of my social life along with my school work, or it could have been that I was too busy trying to create a nice smooth path for my future to play out on. I don't know, but what i do know. Looking back now at 3 years ago... I'm a different person. I'm not just a "christian" by the worlds standards. I will stand up for God when he calls me to. I will admit my wrongs without fear of what others may say against me.
Because to me it's not about my sins. i know they are there. I will point them out, I am continually striving to be more like Christ. And it's a bumpy road. God never promised it would be easy. But he did promise that we would never be alone. Deuteronomy 31.6 states: " Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
So when I am answering that question in Francis Chans book... 
I don't know what the difference is this time between the last time I was on a spiritual high. But I do know there is a difference. The holy spirit is alive in me. I want to be the best reflection of who God is that I can be. It is only through him and his forgiveness that I am able to accomplish anything.

I found my God this summer, but most importantly I found my relationship that I was looking for for so long.

Ephesians 2.4-5: "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ.."

{Be Still}

Time has passed since the last posting... many things have been on my mind.

1} I started reading my Bible and studying it on my own about a week ago. I use to think the bible stories were not applicable to my life at all. I enjoyed reading the new testament as I felt like it gave a lot of direction on how to live the christian life. With Paul's warnings and words of wisdom to followers it was easy for me to know what was right and wrong.

It was not until I began reading the book of Genesis that the Lord really opened up my eyes and my heart to the basics of our relationship. I realized that with my growing relationship with God how fair would it be of me to know pursue his story, his beginnings.

As I read through Genesis I was captivated by the stories of Noah, Abraham, Issac, Jacob, and Joseph. These men lived extraordinary lives following God's will for them.
What surprised me and calmed my heart was exactly how God interacted with them. For the longest time I thought that I was missing something. I was not constantly feeling his words, or hearing him as he spoke to me. I figured something was wrong with my faith. That maybe I just didn't fully trust God, or maybe I didn't know how to hear his voice. I even thought about asking one of my spiritual leaders in my life about how to hear God's voice.

It was through Genesis that I realized I was "hearing" God, just not in an audible sense. I have felt his presence and feel the holy spirit inside of me working it's magic.  Although we are a good 4000 years into the future than Noah, I still fully believe his God {my God} is alive and living today in the world. For Jacob he went to in a dream, GOODNESS... He wrestled with God one night as he was trying to sleep. It's very evident that God works in mighty ways, he knows we are going to question topics, he knows we are going to push him away and try and control our lives. But the truth is... he never leaves us, he has forgiven us all the same, no matter what the sin.

Also something that struck me in Genesis was exactly how BIG and MIGHTY my God is. He's the one true God. The God who knows everything, it doesn't matter if I choose not to add something in a prayer, he sees me, he hears my thoughts, he knows my future. Why wouldn't it make sense to trust him, even when I feel he is silent...

2} This past Friday I was beginning my journey home and began praying to God for a safe drive him. It then struck me that perhaps I should pray for God's presence and his well to continue to be done through out my day.

I'm going to be honest and tell you that fully surrendering to God's will scared me. i would say it took me a good 5 mins before I was ready to fully surrender to the prayer of God's will being done on my way home, and accepting the fact that perhaps I might not make it home safe.
What really had an impact on me was his gentle voice telling me... "Megan, you may think you are in control of what to pray for, but my darling I'm still in control. No matter how you choose to state your prayer. My will will be done no matter what, for I am your God."

It struck me because in life I feel that's how it really goes. We suggest things to God and we will pray for things. But in the end God's will is the one that will reign over everyone.
God loves us so in Psalms 37:4 it states: Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart" He will listen to our prayers that we pray in faithfulness to him. He wants nothing more than for us to draw closer to him and to love him as our creator. And he wants nothing more than to see us happy and prosperous in his love and blessings he reigns down on us.

3} My last thought of the night...
Trusting God, and I mean really trusting him is something I can now say that I am living out and doing. I just recently finished Francis Chan's book called "Crazy Love".
It was through Francis that the urgency of following Christ by Biblical principles was revealed to me.
When all else has been failing I have complete assurance that what is in the Bible is my standard of life. I will be judged against everything in that book when I stand before God.
From loving my neighbor, serving the poor, and not being selfish or greedy. It's all in the book and I believe God takes it very seriously.
I'm finally living one day at a time... I'm not scared anymore. Don't get me wrong, I can still tend to have a few "freak out" moments in my head. When I take a moment to pause and remember who is in control and what will matter when I enter eternity, I am able to calm myself down and give the control that was never mine back into his hands.
I have had a few conversations with people about fully trusting and following God.
Most recently in the area of my love life. I have completely given that area of my life over to God and I truly trust that he knows what is best for me. With the pressure in today's culture to not be single and then for woman to step up and make the first move is definitely real in today's society. With the help of God I feel confident in my decision to let him have complete control.
For him to "Take all the applications" from men that are interested in pursuing a relationship with me. I am/will be filtering every young man through God as he enters my life. I am not going to make the first move, I won't initiate anything because I believe God has put Man as leader, and i feel if they are the leader at the very start of the relationship it will continue on through our relationship centered in Christ. Just as Christ loves the church, shall the young man that captures my heart love me. But most importantly he will love God more than he will ever love me.

I'm excited... I want to live the life God has planned for me.
And for now... {I will be still}

My Baptism Day!

This past Sunday was such an amazing day for me!
Along with my family and friends and church I was baptized. I can't explain the emotions or the joy that was in my heart finally taking this next step in my life.
God has been so good to me and so patient as I am growing closer to him everyday.
This may sound funny but being able to stand before the church and make a commitment to follow Jesus for the rest of my life kind of felt like my wedding. I was committing to the one person who will never leave my side, and who will always know exactly how to handle me. He is the only thing that can fill the hole in our hearts and give us Joy ever lasting.
He is gracious to forgive and so willing to shower his grace and mercy upon us. Our God is so Good!

A little jazz, a Little Candle Warming my Heart Tonight

It's a cold Friday night here and we are getting out first official snow fall of the year. I'm snuggled up on my couch listening to Michael Buble and finishing up a paper. 

It has been such a wild and crazy week for me. A lot of moments that I could have broken from the stress or I could have allowed the stress of senior nursing courses to consume me. 

But last night at FCA came the realization of just how small the amount of time stressful moments really take up in my life in compareson to the realm of eternity. It's minimal... I will make it through.

I've been in prayer many times this week over settling my heart. A lot of unknowing calls I've cried out to God, looking for his wisdom and his guiding hand. 

I am blessed to have survived such a chaotic week and I couldn't ask for a more relaxing evening of big band music mixed in with a little jazz, a warm blanket and the aroma of a hazelnut candle glowing beside me. 

So sit back and enjoy a little Michael Buble with me...  

"Best of Me"